Oversimplified Bible Story: The Book of Esther | Pilisa S. Hamrick

So there was this king. One day he decided to have a huge dinner party for all of his officials and servants. His queen was very pretty and he wanted to show her off to his friends but she was like, “Nah, I’m good.” The king was really drunk and got really angry. How dare she disobey me! She must be punished! So, he had her kicked out.

But now the king needed a new queen. So he got a bunch of the best looking girls together and had a contest to see who was the best one to become his queen. The winner was a beautiful Jewish girl named Esther.

Jews weren’t very popular back then so Esther’s cousin (who is also like her dad), Mordecai (we’ll call him Mordy), warned her to not tell the king or any of his men where she came from. Every day Mordy walked by the palace to see how his girl was doing. But he also got to overhear a lot of top-secret information. Like when two of the king’s dudes wanted to kill the king, Mordy told Esther, who then told the king, who then had both of those dudes hanged. This was a king who didn’t play around. You disrespect him… welp, good luck I guess.

So this king had a main dude named Haman but we’ll call him Hammy. Hammy was a bit of a self-centered jerk and expected everyone to bow to him as he walked by. But Mordy wouldn’t do it. So, Hammy with his crazy anger issues, planned to kill him… and also all of the Jews.

Hammy wrote letters to a bunch of other idiots commanding them to rise up and kill the Jews on a certain day. He also tricked the king into giving him permission to do it. Neither of them still had any idea that Queen Esther was a Jew.

Mordy found out what was going on and became scared so he ran over to the palace and sent a message to Esther, explaining what Hammy was about to do. Esther knew she had to help. But she also knew that this king was a pretty unpredictable dude. And if she came to him to ask him to spare her people, she might get killed. But Esther was one hard-core lady and said “You know what, whatever. I’m gonna do it. If I die, I die.” So she went to him. And the king loved her so much that he said he would give her anything, she just has to ask.

Back to this Hammy dude though– at this point, Mordy was still not bowing to him or showing him any sort of respect. And this made him maaaaaad because, well, Hammy really, really thought highly of himself. He went to all his friends and said “I am the king’s main dude, I’m super rich, I have ten sons, I am just all-around better than everyone else and yet he still ignores me when I walk by? Nah man. Dude got to go.” So his friends were like “yeah man, let’s build a gallows and hang him on it!” And Hammy loved that idea and had them build it.

Then the king found out that it was Esther’s cousin Mordy who saved him from the two dudes who were trying to kill him. He told Hammy to go get him because the king wanted to make him his new dude. And Hammy said to himself, “but I thought I was your dude?”. But Hammy went and did it anyway. He went and got Mordy and brought him to king where he was honored by the king who gave him robes and a horse and stuff.

Hammy didn’t like this at all… The man he was trying to kill was now basically more powerful than him. Even Hammy’s wife said “Yo, this ain’t a good sign. We should probably get the heck outta here.” But yet they stayed.

Now Esther was finally ready to tell the king all that was going on and ask him to spare her people. She told him where she came from, who Mordy was to her, and what exactly was being planned for the Jews. The king was furious. “Who is planning to do this to you?”, he asked. Esther pointed to Hammy, “Him! Your Main dude!”

So, in an ironic twist of events, the king took Hammy and HANGED HIM ON THE VERY GALLOWS HE HAD MADE FOR MORDY. I guess that’s what you get for trying to kill God’s people, right? After that though, Esther went back to the king and said, “how are we going to save the Jews?” And the king commanded all the Jews to fight back against the idiots when the time came. So everyone got really scared of the Jews. They knew how powerful their God was and they weren’t trying to mess with all that. Some of them were even claiming to be Jewish so that they wouldn’t die.

So when the day came that all the Jews were supposed to be destroyed, the opposite happened. The Jews stood up and WIPED ‘EM ALL OUT. And then, they had a big party.

In short, a dude tried to kill another dude with a gallows but then ended up dying on his own gallows, then a bunch of idiots tried to kill the Jews but God was like ‘nah’, so the Jews fought back and defeated them all… and all of this was accomplished because one GIRL had the guts to stand up for her people even though she knew it could get her killed. Man.

 

That’s my oversimplified summary of the book of Esther. To read the real thing click here.